Her name was Lola, she was a show-girl....

I know NOTHING about cars, but I know do they have personalities. All of them have a story and a few eccentricities. And every car I have ever owned had a name:

There was Geloppi (my blue Citi golf from my student days), then there was Polla (my blue VW Jetta) who saw me through many a trip across South Africa. Then came Amy, a gorgeous new Mercedes who stole my heart and kept it till I reluctantly let her go to make space for....well, Lola :)

Lola turned 5 this year (but does not look it!) and has less than 40,000 km on her clock. What can I say...she prefers things quick and dirty and enjoys the going topless! I do not really care what I drive and I really do not know why I buy a car? I guess it is a bit like choosing a puppy - they pick me. But whilst I have yet to read her manual and JC is the only one who received speeding tickets behind her wheel, I love the fact that Lola and I are traveling together. She gives my journey a bit of pizzazz :)

My soul places...

I believe, like Pythagoras, that everything is intelligent in its own way. I believe in nature as a "soul place" whose absence from our lives, are a direct cause of some of our "homesickness". I am a spiritual seeker, a systems thinker and a romantic. I am comfortable to stretch scientific horizons to discover what lies beneath the reflective surface of my own reality. 

Wildernis

Have we forgotten
that wilderness is not a place,
but a pattern of soul
where every tree, every bird and beast
is a soul maker?

Have we forgotten
that wilderness is not a place
but a moving feast of stars,
footprints, scales and beginnings?
Since when
did we become afraid of the night
and that only the bright stars count?
Or that our moon is not a moon
unless it is full?

By whose command
were the animals
through groping fingers,
one for each hand,
reduced to the big and little five?

Have we forgotten
that every creature is within us
carried by tides
of Earthly blood
and that we named them?

Have we forgotten
that wilderness is not a place,
but a season
and that we are in its
final hour?

Ian Mccallum

We are one....?!

My friend send me this quote from Yogi Bhajan:

"If you are willing to look at another person's behavior toward you as a reflection 

of the state of their relationship with themselves, rather than their relationship 

with you, then you will, over time, cease to react at all."

I take some time most mornings (with a cup of coffee!) to sort myself out for the day. A while back at a workshop, the facilitator took us through a visualisation she called: "I am all I see". It was amazing! She took us from the poorest circumstances to the most opulent you can imagine and all you had to do was to create the picture and put yourself in it. The most amazing thing is I knew exactly which place I fulfilled and how it felt to be super privileged and absolutely down and out.

My theory? Well I believe I have a grip on some reality! I am well traveled, hold 2 honors and one masters degree and I lecture at 2 very prestigious Cape Town Business Schools. OK, I have also been known to believe that I do not have to shrink creation to a size which by which I can make sense of it - in other words I am a believer :)  

So back to the meditation: Either I have really been there before (past life's and all that) or I am able to project what other people feel (an empath) or...we really are all one! Oh, and that opens up a few other boxes: 

Just imagine - if someone is suffering then it is actually a part of you that is going through it. If someone is angry, resentful, critical and you feel yourself reacting to it, it is because you recognise that part of you and you are reacting to it rather than the person. And so I can go on. 

If you cannot resist to react, it says a lot about your relationship with yourself and the emotions you own rather than the person. So next time someone presses my buttons and I feel like it unleashed an avalanche in me, I will breathe, think about why I feel this way, honor what I am feeling but then let it go, as it does not serve me anymore.... and not forget to thank this person for being my teacher. 
And remember that by working on being OK, I am making us all better?! Ooui...!

"I am the keeper of the zoo: I say yes and no:

I sing and kill and work…"

Carl Sandburg

Growing...slowly!

I harbour "guilt" like a woollen coat. And I wear it well!

When I left corporate a couple of years ago to start consulting, I used to get up and dress like I was going to the office - even if I only had some design work to do at home. It really took me a year to realise that I was actually more effective in my pyjamas and that being at home does not mean I'm not working.

It used to be do, do, do all the time at work and I hardly took time to think. I now realise what a privilege it is to be able to take some time every day to think...or just to be quiet.
I now realise how blessed I am to have a choice every day on how I want to spend my time on earth.

‘Remind me each day that the race is not always to the swift,

That there is more to life than increasing its speed.

Let me look upward into the towering oak and know that it grew great and strong

Because it grew slowly and well.’

My agreement with myself...

Over the last couple of years I have had the time to explore many word and thoughts of great teachers and philosophers. It becomes quite confusing to try and take all the viewpoints and "truths" into my own heart, which does come with certain...boundaries.

I really do not want to become a skeptic, a person who shrinks everything that is magical and rejects those concepts which require faith, into something small enough for me to grasp. Surely all that I know and have experienced is not all there is?! Just imagine before we had microscopes, x-rays and telescopes, we believed only what we could see...and this is a few hundred years ago. In a world which is estimated (scientifically!) to be around 4.5 billion years old - we definitely do not have an inkling of how great this creation is!

This is where I am now, as this is what I have learned and have experienced first-hand - The moment someone has a problem with:
- Change
- Loss of control
- Boundaries
...there is a trust-issue with oneself. As if we need to control the world around us, because what is going on inside our hearts and minds is not clear or accepted. When we do not know and therefor do not trust ourselves, how can we deal with an ever changing world around us?

A way to become less confused and stuck and fearful, is to sort out an agreement with yourself. This agreement is about honouring yourself in a world without boundaries. It means always having your "self" and not loosing your way. I also learned that surrendering means that I surrender to the knowledge that I do not have control over other people or events, but I will not surrender my agreement with myself. This would be harmful to me and I would betray the most sacred of contracts - the one with myself.

My contract is personal but it deals with issues like how I will try and always speak the truth, the kindness I extend to others, the way I do not take everything personal or assume things, how I will not lend my ears to people who spread fear or hate with words, how I will be forgiving to myself and others but disciplined with what I eat and taking quiet time each day. It does not matter what you cover, as long as you have something that you hold on to, which represents that man or woman that you want to see in the mirror each day.

So having written that down and reading it every day, I am surrendering to magic and faith and the unexplained! I am OK with things not always going my way - I just try my best every day. And in the meantime, just in case we are visited from beyond, I diligently practice my Vulcan-salute: "Live long and prosper"!

Gourmet Goddesses indeed :)

The Gourmet Goddesses had our monthly get-together at The Pot Luck Club...yummmm!

http://gourmetgoddesss.blogspot.com/

Exotic noises of contentment rose from our table, with Caren's groaning of  "Oh my G*d" after an especially satisfying bite, attracted a few "When Harry met Sally" stares! At one of the Indian cooking classes I attended, the chef told us that eating with utensils is like asking a messenger to make love to your partner. I get it :)

However you do it, I realised that this is probably one of the most divine experiences we have on this earth - bliss!

 

And then there is the sharing of food with friends, the unconditional love and support that we extend to each other. Giving and receiving, whenever and whatever is needed, always knowing that no matter what, we do not travel alone. 

My dearest friend Venita shared this with me a long time ago, which will always remind me of love connections...I miss you my friendy!

"I'll be looking for you every moment, every single moment. And when we do find each other again, we'll cling together so tight that nothing and no one'll ever tear us apart. Every atom of me and every atom of you... We'll live in birds and flowers and dragonflies and pine trees and in clouds and in those little specks of light you see floating in sunbeams... And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they wont' just be able to take one, they'll have to take two, one of you and one of me, we'll be joined so tight...” 

Philip Pullman:    His Dark Materials Trilogy

Our story....

I was fascinated by a Discovery docci on the evolution of man. It shows that Mr. Darwin, whom I secretly devoured in high school biology class...(we had an enlightened teacher), was indeed standing on the shoulders of insight and imagination: He would have been delighted with the evidence to support his theory that we are related and have evolved from the Chimp family. Not only do we have Ms. Pless from Sterkfontein, whom I visited as part of my Absa ADI adventure. We now have "Lucy" (3 million years old) and "Ardi" (4.3 million years old) - both walking upright with brains a lot smaller than ours today and both from Ethiopia. 

This is where some Historians and Archaeologists believe the Garden of Eden's Gihon river ran through. And where the pagan Queen of Sheba ruled in the time of King Solomon. They came together and had a meeting of minds and according to many text in the Bible, a son named Menelik.  Menelik visited his father and was taught Moses's law by the High Priest of the Temple in Jerusalem. He returned to Ethiopia, with a tribe from Israel and the son of the High Priest (Zadok) and many believe, with the Ark of the Covenant.

It makes me think about what our role as humanoids are on this planet, and more specifically, as individuals. What is our story and what is our purpose here?

My journey has taken many turns and I have many more questions than answers, but as I boldly go where many before have gone (!), I embrace the fact that I am a spiritual seeker, a scholar of life, very possibly en route to my own Eden ;)

I hear you....!

I try so hard to drown you out...

A random thought, an electric knowing.

I see your heart, I feel your thoughts.

Then suddenly I am in the way,

which is usually to say -

this is going to hurt

one way or another.

 

 

Anne-marie

 

 

 

My biffffday...again!

I do not know how it happened.
I just woke up with another year-ring around my (slightly expanding)...trunk!

Don't get me wrong, I am OK with the age thing. Every line, every pound and every pain has been well earned. I feel like I am finally growing into my skin, which has always been a bit more than what I have taken up.

I took the week...uhm...OK, the month (!) to celebrate 2013, as I think 2014 just started for me.  It is hard work to get older!!!

I hope it will be a good one, a softer and gentler year, filled with love and compassion and abundance. And this is my favorite 2014 poem....

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you have ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

Derek Walcott

L'Chayim, Om namha Shivayah, Cheers, Maisha marefu and Namaste, Anne-marie xxx



A rediscovered love :)

So my dad established a Guitar Academy in his hometown of Nylstroom, after a 40 year long career in music. He did teach me the basics when I was around 11, but this pear fell very far from the apple tree! As life happened, dust covered my guitar.... and any rock-star inclinations I may have had!

Over the festive season I spend some time with him and he promptly gave me the Guitar 101 overview one morning and then stuffed an acoustic nylon string in my hands...and I loved every  moment.

No, I am not kidding myself by anticipating concert halls or even smoky bars with me crooning hoarsely from the corner. This is strictly personal and definitely not for sharing...yet :))

Thanks Daddy!

Good times...

It was that time again - prepping to facilitate another customised module at GSB. It is a time when everything comes together, almost like I am dancing in slow-motion...effortless happiness :)

I believe that I am in my purpose when the following things happen:

• when I feel like time has no meaning
• I know that everything is exactly as it should be
• another whisper is when I do not care what the expected standard is, I want to do my absolute best. I do not think it matters what you do, but people notice when you do your best
• when I am me - not trying too hard, not using cliches or other people's stuff

So off I go to Philadelphia...crystals for every student and lunch with my best friend, my mom :)

 

 

I am counting the days...

 

 



 

Magical times....

I grew up in a place called Tshipise, close to Musina, SA's border town to Zimbabwe. It was unconventional and magical and I returned there over the festive season to catch up with my Dad. I got to visit all the special places, filled with many "firsts"...here I broke my arm, here is my secret tree, here was where we had Sunday school class, here the bus (which my Mother drove!) picked us up for school.



Tshipise means "warm place" named after the hot springs bubbling to the surface

Huge, comforting and wise trees give welcome shade enroute to the swimming pools

Nothing beats a "hardekool hout" bushveld fire...

Boabab trees next to the swimming pools

Dad organised a walk down the koppie with people carrying flaming torches!

A thorn tree for Xmas - very appropriate...

The Tshipise Hotel, now a conference center where I literally grew up

View from our Chalet porch...

You can walk everywhere, with the trees to guide you

It was necessary to go back and to take time to walk down memory lane. An overwhelming sense of gratitude for magical times. And to be able to appreciate it again today is a blessing - Welcome 2014!

Winging it ;)

"Fake it till you make it!" A much-laughed-about saying from my best friend.

When the confidence, the knowledge or the context is not always present, the best way to enter into the unknown is with an air of "I can do this thing". At least for the first couple of minutes people read your fake confidence and they react to it with a sigh of satisfaction - strength is always appreciated, either to hang on to or to sustain a good fight :)

So here comes a pint-sized tortoise and she encounters a sprig of basil, a new enigma in her world of fynbos. She pee'ed once, sniffed twice and then went for it in a big way. What a lesson!

Enough with the lamenting and the worrying, the thinking and analysing....it's Friday...let's open the champagne and build a fire for the braai. Life's good...I think?!

A sad, sad day...

Today is the 10th of December 2013. This day could not have been harder. Instead of participating, I decided to make a restful retreat and to blanket myself from this day. I have no more tears and my heart is heavy....

Today is the memorial of our beloved Nelson Mandela.

Today is also the memorial service for Arlene, a beautiful friend who passed away tragically in Nepal whilst on her gap year and honeymoon.

And today is the day my best friend immigrates to the UK. I hope we'll meet up soon because our journey is not done.

 

 

 

A sad day indeed....

Oh wise one!

We had a super Sunday at the World of Birds in Hout Bay. JC knows I am a little obsessed with owls at the moment. I see them everywhere and I have been wearing an owl bracelet for a while.

So imagine my wonder when I got to meet the most beautiful and exotic birds, literally face-to-face. The personalities and the eccentricities. Bold and bright or quietly camouflaged, they where all there. I felt like I intruded into a different world.

The bird were either injured, rescued, or they were pets. Very sad and a real wake-up call to people who do not realise that these are living things who get attached and struggle to adapt after we humans intervened.

My favorite area was of course, the owl sanctuary. Huge graceful birds, wise and wonderful. I am in awe of nature...

 

 

I know why the caged bird sings, ah me,
When his wing is bruised and his bosom sore,—
When he beats his bars and he would be free;
It is not a carol of joy or glee,
But a prayer that he sends from his heart’s deep core,
But a plea, that upward to Heaven he flings—
I know why the caged bird sings!

PL Dunbar